Sunday Service, 1 December 2024
Led by Rev. Sarah Tinker
Musical Prelude: Comfort Ye My People’ (The Messiah) - G.F. Handel (performed by Benjie del Rosario and Blanca Graciá Rodríguez)
Words of Welcome and Chalice Lighting: for the first Sunday in Advent, and for World AIDS Day, a candle of hope
Good morning everybody and welcome to this gathered community of Kensington Unitarians, with those of you joining us online and those of you with us in person here today in a grey London on the 1st day of December. Greetings as well to anyone watching this service as a video sometime in the future or listening to our podcast. There are many ways to ‘come to church’ these days.
And just as we have all taken our own different paths to arrive here today, so we as Unitarians are free to shape our path of faith; we are not identified by fixed beliefs because for many of us belief changes and develops in response to life. But what does identify us as a community is a responsible search for meaning and purpose, an emphasis on healthy values to guide us in life, a commitment to making ours a more just world.
And so I invite you now to take a breath and to tell yourself that you are here, you have arrived, wherever ‘here’ is for you. Here we can be focussed and present or simply be, however we need to be. We can relax here. We can know ourselves to be truly welcomed here, just as we are. May this hour that we spend together help us all in our different ways as we sense our part in something greater than ourselves – for whatever our faith, whatever our beliefs, we are part of the great stream of life itself, flowing, moving, ever onwards together.
And on this first Sunday in Advent we have lit our first Advent candle, traditionally a candle of hope. And this day, the 1st December is recognised internationally as World AIDS Day, so I light our chalice flame in recognition of the great strides forward humanity has made in the treatment of this illness and to remind us of health inequalities in our world that deny effective treatment still to too many people.
May this simple flame, symbol of a worldwide religious community of Unitarian and Unitarian Universalist communities, may this flame burn brightly in our hearts and encourage us to hope for, and to work towards, ever greater equality in healthcare for our fellow human beings.
Hymn 24 (purple): ‘Come Sing a Song with Me’
Let’s join in singing now our first hymn, number 24 in the purple book or with words appearing on your screen – and this song mentions hope – and the way that we can help one another to find the light of hope and love when days seem dark and hope is hard to find. Feel free to stand, sit, sing or simply listen to ‘come sing a song’.
Come, sing a song with me,
come, sing a song with me,
come, sing a song with me,
that I might know your mind.
And I'll bring you hope when hope is hard to find,
and I'll bring a song of love and a rose in the winter time.
Come, dream a dream with me,
come, dream a dream with me,
come, dream a dream with me,
that I might know your mind.
And I'll bring you hope when hope is hard to find,
and I'll bring a song of love and a rose in the winter time.
Come, walk in rain with me,
come, walk in rain with me,
come, walk in rain with me,
that I might know your mind.
And I'll bring you hope when hope is hard to find,
and I'll bring a song of love and a rose in the winter time.
Come, share a rose with me,
come, share a rose with me,
come, share a rose with me,
that I might know your mind.
And I'll bring you hope when hope is hard to find,
and I'll bring a song of love and a rose in the winter time.
Candles of Joy and Concern:
Each week when we gather together, we share a simple ritual of candles of joy and concern, an opportunity to light a candle and share something that is in our heart with the community. So we’ve an opportunity now, for anyone who would like to do so, to light a candle and say a few words about what it represents. We’ll go to the people in the building first, then to Zoom.
So I invite some of you here in person to come and light a candle and then if you wish to tell us briefly who or what you light your candle for. I’m going to ask you to come to the lectern to speak this time as I really want people to be able to hear you and I don’t want to keep nagging you about getting close to the handheld mic. And if you can’t get to the microphone give me a wave and I’ll bring a handheld mic over to you. Thank you.
(in person candles)
And if that’s everyone in the room we’ll go over to the people on Zoom next – you might like to switch to gallery view at this stage – just unmute yourselves when you are ready and speak out – and we should be able to hear you and see you up on the big screen here in the church.
(zoom candles)
And I’m going to light one more candle, as we often do, to represent all those joys and concerns that we hold in our hearts this day, but which we don’t feel able to speak out loud. (light candle)
Time of Prayer & Reflection:
So let’s take the joys and sorrows we’ve heard expressed today into our time of prayer and reflection. You might want to find a comfy, prayerful way of being for this time and take a little while to align yourself with all that is sacred.
We care for one another and when we hear the troubles and delights of other people’s lives we feel for them. For this is what it is to be human:
We care for others – both those close to us and those whose lives we hear of only in the news,
We delight in the natural world with its rich gifts for our senses – the sounds, sights, smells, tastes – the very touch of it all, the touch of life itself,
We have an idea that we can be greater than we often are – that there is perhaps something of the divine in each and every one of us,
We sense mysteries beyond our comprehension as we look at the stars or gaze upon a flower.
We seek comfort and we move away from that which discomforts us.
In a time of quiet now I invite us to inwardly speak the prayers of our hearts, that the troubled may be comforted, and justice might prevail for those in need. (pause)
May the peace and the stillness of this time and this place stay with us and strengthen us for the task of living our lives, now and always, amen.
Reflection: on ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’ by Margery Williams, our security blankets & comfort zones
This morning’s interesting statistic: a survey conducted by Travelodge in 2011, a chain of hotels, revealed that 35% of British adults still sleep with a teddy bear or a similar cuddly, comfort object. I won’t ask for a show of hands to see if you are in line with this national average but it means that probably there are at least some of us who know the joy of cuddling up with a soft toy or a warm blanket. Years ago I remember reading of an horrid experiment carried out on an orphaned baby chimpanzee where it was given the choice between a feeding frame made of metal, which gave it all the milk it needed, and a soft, furry frame that had no food to give. A baby chimp will apparently choose something soft and comforting to cuddle up to rather than food.
Listen to this lovely description of what it is like to have a favourite toy – from A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh: “Piglet is so small that he slips into a pocket, where it is very comfortable to feel him when you are not quite sure whether twice seven is twelve or twenty-two.”
Cuddly toys can help us humans through life’s transitions. I wonder if you remember any of your favourite toys. Here’s a description of a much loved toy that Hannah’s going to read for us from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams:
The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."
Hymn (on sheet): ‘Comfort Me’
Our service theme today is ‘comfort and discomfort’ and the inevitably of experiencing them both in life. This next hymn which you’ll find on your hymnsheet here in church or on your screens, speaks of the comfort we can find within, the comfort of the spirit, of the soul. Let’s sing of comfort to one another.
Comfort me, comfort me,
Comfort me, oh my soul;
Comfort me, Comfort me,
Comfort me, o-h my soul.
Sing with me, sing with me,
Sing with me, oh my soul;
Sing with me, sing with me,
Sing with me, o-h my soul.
Speak with me, Speak with me,
Speak with me, oh my soul;
Speak with me, Speak with me,
Speak with me, o-h my soul.
Dance with me, Dance with me,
Dance with me, oh my soul;
Dance with me, Dance with me,
Dance with me, o-h my soul.
Comfort me, comfort me,
Comfort me, oh my soul;
Comfort me, Comfort me,
Comfort me, o-h my soul.
Meditation on Julian of Norwich’s saying ‘all shall be well’
You may know Julian of Norwich’s famous words – all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well – a source of comfort to many over the hundreds of years since she first wrote down her meditations in the turbulent and plague ridden years of the late 13th and early 14th century. As we enter a time of meditation and stillness now I invite you to consider her words. Of course it is easy to accept that all is well when life goes how we want it to go, but I think Mother Julian wrote these words for the tough times when we recognise our weaknesses, face our fears and admit our woundedness. Can we, do we, accept that all is well in testing times?
And so I invite you to turn your attention inwards now – these few words of introduction will be followed by a good few minutes in the fellowship of silence together, which will end with our bell. And then we’ll hear the beautiful adagio from Mozart’s clarinet concerto, unannounced.
Let us rest in stillness, with our eyes closed or gaze softened, perhaps focusing on our candle flames’ flickering light, whatever is best for you. Aware of our bodies resting against a chair or wherever we are right now, sensing the earth beneath us, holding us, following perhaps the gentle ebb and flow of our own breathing, allowing it to guide our attention within, aware of thoughts and feelings as we are aware of the sounds of the room and the world outside, yet able to let everything be, using Julian of Norwich’s words to guide us – all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.
Period of Silence and Stillness (~3 minutes) – end with a bell
Interlude: ‘Adagio’ from Mozart’s Clarinet Concerto (performed by Benjie del Rosario and Blanca Graciá Rodríguez)
In-Person Reading: ‘Taoism and Paradox’ from The World Religions Bible
Lao Tzu wrote about the paradoxes in the human condition.
In order to be whole, you must be broken.
In order to be straight, you must be twisted.
In order to be full, you must be empty.
In order to be renewed, you must be worn out.
In order to gain much, you must have little.
In order to understand the truth, you must be confused about facts.
In order to be above suspicion, you must never justify yourself.
In order to be honoured, you must never seek praise.
In order to win, you must never compete.
To be comfortable in life you must experience discomfort.
In-Person Reflection: ‘Valuing Both Comfort and Discomfort’
Only people of a certain age will remember the opening words of a radio programme called Listen With Mother – “Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin”, said in a very English sort of a voice of the 1950s, a voice that has mostly now disappeared from public life. A quick flick through any weekend colour supplement magazine shows how highly we value comfort – seemingly people in developed economies are always searching for a comfier chair or sofa or mattress. We might define comfort as a feeling of contentment, a sense of cosiness, or a state of physical and mental well-being, feeling good.
Ministry students are taught an old saying – originally used to describe the task of journalists – ‘to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable’. We all yearn to be comforted in our times of distress and many of us need to be shaken up when complacent or ‘stuck in a rut’, when habitual ways of thinking and being takes a hold of us. In this address I’m exploring the obvious – that both comfort and discomfort can be helpful to us. Sometimes being taken ‘out of our comfort zone’ can do us a power of good – but not always.
These bodies of ours – they can be quite relentless in their giving of feedback to us about our levels of comfort or discomfort can’t they – I’m hungry – or too full; I’m too hot - or too cold; I’m feeling irritable – or blissfully chilled out. Bodies are the best sources of information that we have about our lives and yet some of us learn over the years to ignore our bodies or over-ride their message. For we may be discomforted by the messages our bodies bring us. Some of us, and I have to include myself in this group - some of us need to re-develop a relationship with our physical selves so that we notice and respond to minor aches and pains, exploring their messages rather than suppressing them, resting when we are tired, taking exercise when we feel restless, and learning to monitor lovingly all the substances we use to perk ourselves up or sedate ourselves. Because when we reach for that ------ and I’ll leave a gap here for you to fill in your own chosen addictions, we are generally seeking comfort – we want to soothe ourselves – and chocolate or a packet of crisps or a glass or two of wine may have become our ways of regulating ourselves – of calming an agitated mind perhaps or galvanising a weary body. There’s nothing wrong with this except when our habits become stuck, repetitive, unconscious – when that which we sought as a help becomes a hindrance.
Developing the art of healthy and conscious self-soothing – developing ways in ourselves of acknowledging and regulating how we feel is I think an important task for us all. And one way we can develop that is in relationship with others. Listen to these lovely words often attributed to author George Eliot but actually written by Dinah Craik
“But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”
Through relationship with others we can be comforted and we can comfort – one of life’s greatest gifts. But in that delightfully paradoxical way in life that we heard described by Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, earlier on, when we relate deeply with others – source of comfort though that often is, what also can emerge is a willingness to accept discomfort – it’s a good friend that can tell us the painful truth – that jacket just doesn’t suit you Sarah, you keep making the same mistake, get out of that rut you’re stuck in.
And we can’t just rely on friends to do this nudging for us – we need to push ourselves onwards too because striving is part of what it is to be human. And what is it that we are seeking? Once our basic needs are met for food and shelter and companionship, we humans are surely seeking meaning, truth, fulfilment – elusive yet compelling qualities that help us to make sense of ourselves and our world. And such a search won’t always be a comfortable path to explore.
Religious faith can be a source of great comfort in an uncomfortable world – as we heard in that beautiful aria from Handel’s Messiah sung for us at the start of our service today ‘comfort ye, comfort ye, my people’. But as Unitarians, as seekers of ‘truth’, we probably want more from religion than a great comfort blanket that tell us we are alright, that our faith is right and that we’ll all live happily ever after. There’s a time and a place for that kind of soothing religion but that restless seeking in us pushes us onwards to a less comfortable place, where like the Skin Horse and the Velveteen Rabbit we know that life is ‘real’. We’re not alone in that search for a real spirituality that tells it like it is; a spirituality that nudges us out of comfort zones rather than keeping us stuck in them.
Asked why he was drawn to the teachings of rabbis from centuries ago, Rabbi Rami Shapiro said (and you’ll find part of this reading on today’s hymnsheet): “The rabbis I read and the way I read them continually pull the religious rug out from under me. I incline toward comfort and stability, but spirituality at its best is discomfiting and wild. Reality isn’t stable; tomorrow isn’t stable; life isn’t comforting. Authentic spirituality -- the crazy wisdom of rabbis and roshis and poets and saints who dare to step out the box of conventional religion and live without a net - helps us navigate the wildness of life with grace, humour, and love.”
So yes, let’s help one another find and utilise our sources of comfort – be that an evening with a good book, or a good friend, a walk on the hills, watching birds on a feeder or doing a bit of home cleaning, watching the snooker or a football match or cycling – each to their own, as the old saying goes. And let’s both as individuals and as a religious community keep checking our comfort levels. Let’s keep seeking ways to use both comfort and discomfort to help us grow and develop – discerning when it’s time to hold on to the comfort blankets and when to leave them behind as we move onwards to life’s new possibilities. And yes, it is still OK to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee and a chat after the service today, and even a very comforting chocolate biscuit.
Song (on sheet): ‘Lean on Me’
Our last song today was written by Bill Withers – it’s called Lean on Me and it expresses so well our human need for one another in life. It’s got a lovely slow swing to it, so let’s sing it for one another and for all those in need in this busy world of ours.
Some-times in our lives
We all have pain, we all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
Please, swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
If there is a load
You have to bear that you can't carry
I'm right up the road, I'll share your load
If you just call me
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on.
You just call on me, sister, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on.
Announcements:
Thank you to Benjie and Blanca for great music today. Thank you to Jane your minister for doing all the tech work to make this service happen. Thanks to Hannah for reading. And thanks to all who greet people and make drinks. You are all appreciated. For those of you who are here in-person – do stay for a cuppa and some nibbles – served in the hall next door.
Also looking ahead to December – if you want to get the dates in your diary we’re having our main carol service and lunch on 15th, (speak to Patricia as she’s organising food) then a festive tea dance on the 22nd – these are great fun, even if you don’t especially want to dance it’s a lovely social get together – and there’ll be the annual candlelit Christmas Eve – start time is 5pm as usual. Carolyn Appleby is interested in organising a group to go out for dinner after the service on Christmas Eve so if this is something you might want to join in with please do get in touch with her ASAP to make a plan.
Jane is offering a New Year’s Mini-Retreat to look back and forward – the in-person version will be on Sunday 29th December if I get enough sign-ups so please do drop Jane an email ASAP if you’re planning to come along to that – and the online version will be on New Year’s Day.
Details of all our various activities are printed on the back of the order of service, for you to take away, and also in the Friday email. Or why not take home a copy of our new fancy newsletter?
This congregation very much has a life beyond Sunday mornings; thanks to everyone who keeps in touch, looking out for each other, and doing what we can to nurture supportive and comforting connections. We need one another.
Time now for our closing words which will lead into our closing music – Benjie will be playing Acker Bilk’s famous tune ‘Stranger On The Shore’. Some pop facts for you: this became 1962’s biggest-selling single in the UK, spending 55 weeks in the charts. Acker Bilk in his much later years said he was a bit fed up with it but described it as his pension!
Benediction: ‘Singers of songs that the spirit loves to hear’
May our week ahead be filled with the comfort we yearn for and the discomfort we need, that wounds might be healed and potential reached, singers of the songs that the spirit longs to hear. Amen, go well all of you and blessed be.
Closing Music: ‘Stranger On The Shore’ by Acker Bilk (performed by Benjie del Rosario and Blanca Graciá Rodríguez)
Rev. Sarah Tinker
1st December 2024