Sunday Service, 2 June 2024
Led by Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall
Musical Prelude: Ralph Vaughan-Williams – Mvt 4 from Six Studies in English Folk Song (performed by Holly Redshaw and George Ireland)
Opening Words: ‘Forged in the Fire of Our Coming Together’ by Gretchen Haley (adapted)
What’s going to happen?
Will everything be ok?
What can I do?
We find ourselves, too often,
Stuck with these questions on repeat:
What’s going to happen? / Will everything be ok? / What can I do?
We grasp at signs and markers, articles of news and analysis,
Facebook memes and forwarded emails as if they were the new zodiac
Capable of forecasting all that life may yet bring our way
As if we could prepare; As if life had ever made any promises
of making sense, or turning out the way we’d thought;
As if we are not also actors in this still unfolding story.
For this hour we gather
To surrender to the mystery.
To release ourselves from the needing to know,
The yearning to have it all already figured out,
And also the burden of believing we either have all the control, or none at all.
Here in our song and our silence, our stories and our sharing,
We make space for a new breath, a new healing,
A new possibility to take root, that is courage –
forged in the fire of our coming together
and felt in the spirit that comes alive in this act of faith:
that we believe still, a new world is possible –
and that we are creating it, already, here, and now.
So come, let us worship together.
Words of Welcome and Introduction:
These opening words by Gretchen Haley welcome all who have gathered this morning for our Sunday service. Welcome to those of you who have gathered in-person at Essex Church, to all who are joining us via Zoom from far and wide, and anyone watching on YouTube or listening to the podcast at a later date. For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Jane Blackall, and I’m minister with Kensington Unitarians. It’s good to be together again.
This morning’s service is titled ‘Out of Our Hands’. I chose this theme a couple of weeks ago – very much in response to the events of my own life – as many of you know by now my dad died last Saturday and as I’ve accompanied him through his final weeks I’ve had a lot of cause to reflect on how we humans cope with those things in life that are tough but unavoidable. How do we accept those things which we naturally resist with every fibre of our being? I kept thinking of the Serenity Prayer – I’ve put the version I’m most familiar with on the front of today’s order of service – ‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking this broken world as it is, not as I would have it.’ So in the next hour we’ll explore this theme – how do we face these things we can’t control or change? – through readings, prayer, and reflections from congregation members Juliet Edwards and John Humphreys.
Chalice Lighting: ‘What We Need this Day’ by Brian Kiely (adapted)
Let’s light our chalice flame now, as we do each week. It’s a moment for us to gather ourselves and remember why we’re here and what we came for; to set aside any agitation we came in carrying, to focus our attention, be fully present, as we co-create this sacred space together. This simple ritual connects us in solidarity with Unitarians and Unitarian Universalists the world over, and reminds us of the proud and historic progressive religious tradition of which this gathering is part.
(light chalice)
In times of darkness we stumble towards the tiny flame.
In times of cold and isolation we seek the warming fire.
In times of repression we reach for the lamp of truth.
In times of loss we pray for the comforting light.
In times of joy we light a candle of celebration.
Spirit of Life and Love, as we kindle this light,
help us find what we most need this day.
Hymn 147 (purple): ‘Spirit of Earth, Root, Stone and Tree’
Let’s sing together. Our first hymn is number 147 in the green book, ‘Spirit of Earth, Root, Stone and Tree’. For those joining via zoom the words will be up on screen. Feel free to stand or sit as you prefer.
Spirit of earth, root, stone and tree,
water of life, flowing in me,
keeping me stable, nourishing me,
O fill me with living energy!
Spirit of nature, healing and free,
spirit of love, expanding in me,
spirit of life, breathe deeply in me,
inspire me with living energy!
Spirit of love, softly draw near,
open my heart, lessen my fear,
sing of compassion, help me to hear,
O fill me with loving energy!
Spirit of nature, healing and free,
spirit of love, expanding in me,
spirit of life, breathe deeply in me,
inspire me with living energy!
Spirit of life, you are my song,
sing in my soul, all my life long,
gladden and guide me, keep me from wrong,
O fill me with sacred energy!
Spirit of nature, healing and free,
spirit of love, expanding in me,
spirit of life, breathe deeply in me,
inspire me with living energy!
Candles of Joy and Concern:
Each week when we gather together, we share a simple ritual of candles of joy and concern, an opportunity to light a candle and share something that is in our heart with the community. So we’ve an opportunity now, for anyone who would like to do so, to light a candle and say a few words about what it represents. This time we’re going to go to the people in the building first, and take all of those in one go, and then I’ll call on the people on Zoom to come forward.
So I invite some of you here in person to come and light a candle and then if you wish to tell us briefly who or what you light your candle for. Please do get up close to the microphone as that will help everyone hear (including the people at home). You can take the microphone out of the stand if it’s not at a good height and have it microphone pointing right at your mouth. And if you can’t get to the microphone give me a wave and I’ll bring it over to you. Thank you.
(in person candles)
And if that’s everyone in the room we’ll go over to the people on Zoom next – you might like to switch to gallery view at this stage – just unmute yourselves when you are ready and speak out – and we should be able to hear you and see you up on the big screen here in the church.
(zoom candles)
And I’m going to light one more candle, as we often do, to represent all those joys and concerns that we hold in our hearts this day, but which we don’t feel able to speak out loud. (light candle)
Time of Prayer & Reflection: based on words by Elizabeth Bukey
Let’s take those joys and concerns into an extended time of prayer. This prayer is based on some words by Elizabeth Bukey. You might first want to adjust your position for comfort, close your eyes, or soften your gaze. There might be a posture that helps you feel more prayerful. Whatever works for you. Do whatever you need to do to get into the right state of body and mind for us to pray together – to be fully present here and now, in this sacred time and space – with ourselves, with each other, and with that which is both within us and beyond us.
Spirit of Life, God of All Love, in whom we live and move and have our being,
we turn our full attention to you, the light within and without,
as we tune in to the depths of this life, and the greater wisdom
to which – and through which – we are all intimately connected.
Be with us now as we allow ourselves to drop into the
silence and stillness at the very centre of our being. (pause)
We gather in reverence and thanks for You,
Ground of our Being, Source of all Good.
We are grateful for the gift of another breath,
and for each moment of connection, beauty, and truth.
Cry with us in our pain for our world.
Remind us that we are loved, just as we are.
Remind us that we are connected with all that is.
Remind us that we do not journey alone.
Give us what we need for today.
Call us back to our promises, commitments, and values.
Help us love ourselves and each other,
And to show that love in our actions.
Make us instruments of justice, equity, and compassion.
Free us from all that is evil; keep us from wrong.
We declare that life and love are stronger than tyranny and fear,
That a world of beauty and love is coming,
And we must shape it together. (pause)
And a few quiet moments let us take some time to pray inwardly the prayers of our own hearts;
calling to mind all those souls we know to be suffering this day, whether close to home, or
on the other side of the world. Let us hold all these sacred beings in the light of love. (pause)
Let us also pray for ourselves; we too are sacred beings who face our own struggles and muddle
through life’s ups and downs. So let us take a few moments to reflect on our own lives, and
ask for what we most need this day – comfort, forgiveness, or guidance – to flourish. (pause)
And let us take just a little longer to remember the good things in life and give thanks for them.
Those moments in the past week where we’ve encountered generosity, kindness, or pleasure.
Let us cultivate a spirit of gratitude as we recall all those moments that lifted our spirits. (pause)
Spirit of Life – God of all Love – as this time of prayer comes to a close, we offer up
our joys and concerns, our hopes and fears, our beauty and brokenness,
and we call on you for insight, healing, and renewal.
As we look forward now to the coming week,
help us to live well each day and be our best selves;
using our unique gifts in the service of love, justice and peace. Amen
Hymn 11 (purple): ‘Blessed Spirit of My Life’
Our next hymn is number 11 in your hymnbook: ‘Blessed Spirit of My Life’. The words will also be up on screen. As usual, feel free to stand or sit as you prefer.
Blessed Spirit of my life,
give me strength through stress and strife;
help me live with dignity;
let me know serenity.
Fill me with a vision;
clear my mind of fear and confusion.
When my thoughts flow restlessly,
let peace find a home in me.
Spirit of great mystery,
hear the still, small voice in me.
Help me live my wordless creed
as I comfort those in need.
Fill me with compassion,
be the source of my intuition.
Then when life is done for me,
let love be my legacy.
In-Person Reading: ‘On Facing the Inevitable’ by Richard S. Gilbert (read by Hannah)
There is a story of a little girl sent by her mother on an errand. When she finally returned, her mother asked what took her so long. A friend had broken his bicycle and she had stopped to help. Her mother said, “But you don’t know anything about fixing bicycles.” “I know”, the little girl said. “I stopped to help him cry.”
We come here in the presence of the Ultimate Mystery, knowing we are bound by the inevitabilities of life. Determined as we are to “fix” things, to make all things right, to display our mastery over fate, in our wiser moments we know our limits. Sometimes, all we can do is sit in the presence of one another and cry.
Always we are trying to assert ourselves in the face of life’s difficulties. We need to feel that we can overcome them, that we can triumph over adversity. Sometimes, in the face of the imponderable, all we can do is sit with another and love.
We are all too human in our need to feel our superiority to the things of nature. Neither beasts nor flowers of the field are we, rather the crowning glory of creation. We are also creatures who have only begun to explore our limits. Sometimes, in the face of the unchangeable, all we can do is sit with another and laugh.
May we forgive our arrogance, understand our pride, be gentle without presumptions. It is only that we are human, that our reach exceeds our grasp, that we try so hard to be gods. In the face of the divine, all we can do is stay with one another and be human.
In-Person Reflection: ‘Ageing is Out of Our Hands’ by Juliet Edwards
Something I can do very little about? Out of my hands? What immediately occurred to me was ageing.
I think up until about 10 years ago I looked more or less the same as I had always looked. And then when I looked in the mirror I saw frown lines above my nose and thought ‘Oh, that’s just like my dad’s.’
Later I began to notice long creases down my cheeks, especially the right one, in the mirror – I suppose it’s actually my left one. You are welcome to look at me, but I suppose you and my family have noticed them long ago.
So now, when I look in the mirror, I smile at myself, which makes some of the lines go away, briefly. Or I tease myself by pulling faces – don’t take yourself so seriously!
There’s not much I can do about the lines. I rarely wear make-up and I don’t want to start now, though I have always used moisturiser. I tried a product that smooths out wrinkles and it made my face feel very stiff – until it wore off.
Like many ageing women I am quite selective about the photos I am pleased with. I recently said to my daughter Ros, ‘Oh, I don’t like that’ and she replied ‘Oh, I think it’s nice. How do you want to look?’ And I replied ‘Like that’, showing her a very nice photo that was taken maybe 20 years ago, and she laughed, which was probably the politest way of saying ‘Fat chance’.
I don’t spend all my time looking in the mirror. And I have found that my lined face and greying hair mean that I am offered a seat on the tube or the bus. People are very kind. So far there has only been one occasion when I was feeling very tired and I asked a young man for a seat and he stood up for me.
Years ago I watched Maggie Smith as a heart breaking young Desdemona in Othello. She has continued her career as the Old Woman in the Van, and as a sharp-tongued retiree in the Exotic Marigold Hotel, and in Quartet as an opera singer whose voice is going, and famously in Downton Abbey. She sets a good example. The actor Michael Caine was once asked how he felt about ageing and he replied, ‘It’s better than the alternative!’
Meditation: ‘Serenity Prayer Redux’ by Laura Dobson
Thanks Juliet. We’re moving into a time of meditation now. To take us into silence I’m simply going to share a version of the serenity prayer – attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr – this version is adapted by my friend and colleague Laura Dobson. Three minutes of silence will end with a bell. Then we’ll hear some music for our continued meditation. Let’s do what we need to do to get comfortable – adjust your position if you need to – put your feet flat on the floor to ground yourself – close your eyes. As we always say, the words are an offering, use this time to meditate in your own way.
Eternal One,
Grace me with serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
May I live one day at a time,
Being present, one moment at a time,
Taking the world as it is, not as I would have it,
Trusting that all will be well,
Surrendering to the heart’s desire,
And knowing Heaven as Earth,
here and now.
Period of Silence and Stillness (~3 minutes) – end with a bell
Interlude: W. A. Mozart – ‘Dies Bildnis ist bezaubernd schön’ from The Magic Flute (performed by Holly Redshaw and George Ireland)
In-Person Reading: ‘The Wisdom to Know the Difference’ by Peter Friedrichs (excerpts, adapted) (read by Jane)
‘God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.’
Most of us are familiar with these words, which are often referred to as the “Serenity Prayer.” Its adoption by Alcoholics Anonymous in the middle of last century and its incorporation into other 12-Step programs has brought this prayer into nearly universal awareness… The Serenity Prayer has been literally life-saving for hundreds of thousands of people over the decades it’s been in use. Its power in peoples’ lives is immeasurable and it is treasured by them.
In just 27 words, the Serenity Prayer encapsulates the heart and soul of our human condition. The first sentence is about being in control. As hard as it is to admit it sometimes, we know we are finite and fallible people and that, therefore, some things are beyond our control. We seek to gain acceptance for those things. The second sentence reminds us, though, that not everything is beyond us. As individuals with at least some power and volition, we are also able to exercise our agency over some of our circumstances. We seek the determination to seize and act upon those opportunities when they arise. And then, in the third sentence, we name yet another central fact in our lives: “the way is often hard, the path is never clear and the stakes are very high.” We seek the power of discernment, an unmuddling of our minds, the conversion of confusion into clarity. We ask for wisdom. The three parts are intimately connected and interwoven. We cannot achieve the serenity of the first movement or the courage of the second without achieving some measure of the wisdom we seek in the third.
We could spend lots of time talking about what we can or cannot change. About the scope of our power and the magnificence of our impotence. About how our image of ourselves as independent actors, in control of our lives is often at odds with our circumstances. We could reflect on what form courage takes. Courage to make a change. Courage to stick to what we’ve always done. And I could do several sermons just on what we mean by the term “serenity.” What it looks like, what it feels like, how to achieve it. But I want to focus on that part of the Serenity Prayer, in which we seek the wisdom to know the difference between the things we can change and those we cannot.
This part of the prayer raises the challenging question of discernment, or our ability to distinguish between things. Between what we can change and what we’re powerless to do. Between right and wrong. Between good and evil, even. When we’re talking about discernment, we’re usually not talking about simply making a simple either/or choice. About taking a sheet of paper and dividing it down the middle and putting the pro’s on one side and the con’s on the other, then toting them up to see which side wins. Wisdom and discernment are altogether different. They imply a deeper quality of what I’ll call “knowing.” Knowing not in the intellectual sense of certainty, but in the heartfelt sense.
So, where does wisdom come from? How do we gain the wisdom to know the difference? Since the Serenity Prayer is a prayer, maybe that’s a good place to start. I define prayer as an opening up to all that is beyond us and outside of us. It’s about making connections with both the known and the unknown. It’s admitting that we’re finite, but that we’re a part of an infinite system of wonder and mystery. When we can “plug in” to that system, when we can experience our unity with it, we’re opening ourselves up to its wisdom. Experience can be a source of wisdom, too, if we are wise enough to recognize it. But experience can be a tough teacher, and sometimes we’re not such great learners either.
Deep and abiding wisdom can be gleaned from a variety of sources. But I believe that ultimately it comes down to a single spiritual practice: listening. Listening to what others who have our best interest at heart are telling us. Listening to what our intuition, our heart, our soul is telling us. And engaging in practices that creating channels for the songs of the Universe to penetrate through all the noise of our lives and to reach us in our deepest, in-most places. I choose to believe that wisdom is available to all of us, all the time, if we but stop, look, and listen.
In-Person Reflection: ‘Accepting the Need for Help’ by John Humphreys
When Jane asked for congregational contributions on the subject of “Out of our Hands” with a focus on knowing or perhaps not knowing when it is beyond our power to deal with a difficult situation, I knew that my life had been punctuated by a series of these events.
I will be 75 years old this year and I have spent the last 25 years slowly, and often painfully, trying to work out how to accept help from a variety of sources.
For many years, I was taught, both formally by teachers in an all-boys school, and by example by my emotionally remote father, to acquire knowledge to pass exams and succeed professionally. Challenges were there to be overcome, and displays of sentiment were to be avoided. The loss of my mother as a young child certainly had as one major consequence the development of a strong sense of self sufficiency and an increasing emotional detachment. My scientific training allowed no place for the supernatural as a source of help or guidance. I became a fully-fledged rationalist – albeit with some rebellious tendencies. It was the sixties after all.
This set of coping strategies were effective for many years in allowing me to pursue a career practicing medicine in remote communities in East Africa and Northern Australia. Even after my return to general practice in England, I saw myself as well equipped to deal with all the demands of my professional and family life. How wrong I was and how little I understood of my need to reach out and accept help for my increasing internal desolation.
Eventually all fragile structures will develop cracks and I had my first taste of things to come on the inner ring road in Oxford one busy weekday afternoon. I stopped my car in a layby and realised that something was seriously amiss. The previous day I had been told my sister in Glasgow had sustained very severe leg injuries when she was hit by a drunken driver who had lost control of their car. I had carried on with my daily work, thinking I would need to check on her progress at the hospital in due course. It was not until I had stopped in the layby the next day that I had realised my total lack of emotional reaction was a symptom of something deep and disturbing. I went to Glasgow to see her and on my return decided to seek some help through counselling. That’s the advice I might well have given to a patient.
The counsellor was professional and listened carefully to my family history and the stresses that had led me to seek her help. She asked if I drank alcohol, and I answered truthfully that I was a light drinker. Would I have answered truthfully if she had asked if I was taking drugs? I certainly did not tell her that I was self-medicating with tranquilisers and sedatives as a way of maintaining that emotional detachment that was so important to me. So, on that occasion, I wanted help on my own dysfunctional terms, and my denial was preventing me from finding the courage to get honest about my drug addiction.
This attempt to control what sort of help I needed was in retrospect a reflection of the self-centred world my thinking mind inhabited. Nothing was going to change for me until further external forces were applied to crack open my denial. Only then was I able to understand that a different type of surrender was required. While I believe that an honest request for help can be met by traditional person-based therapy, my lifelong emotional isolation made me seek a spiritual solution. I slowly became open-minded enough to accept that I do not have to understand the exact nature of my true self, and that a loving connection to a Higher Power is a journey not a destination.
The serenity prayer highlights acceptance, change, and self-awareness. With these concepts in my heart and mind, I can at last be sure of the help I need to live.
Hymn 196 (purple): ‘We Sing the Faith’
Thanks John. Time for our last hymn, it’s number 196 in your purple books, ‘We Sing the Faith’.
We sing the faith, which gives us confidence
for human dwelling in the vast immense
and finding there within the great unknown
that there’s a cosmic law and order shown.
We sing the hope, which shows us there are ways
for living through our very darkest days
and glimpse beyond a path which leads us on
to find the place where new days have begun.
We sing the love, which is creation’s law,
and in a single whole its parts will draw;
and since parts turn and swerve, collide and move,
forgiveness is the final form of love.
Faith, hope and love: we honour each and three
but there’s one virtue which we all agree
stands out among the others far above
and that ‘the greatest of the three is love’.
Announcements:
Thanks to Ramona for tech-hosting. Thanks to Sonya for co-hosting and welcoming everyone online. If you’re joining on Zoom please do hang on after for a chat with Sonya. Thanks to Juliet and John for offering reflections this morning. Thanks to ?Hannah for reading. Thanks to Holly and George for lovely music this morning. Thanks to Juliet for greeting and Liz for making coffee today. For those of you who are here in-person – please do stay for a cuppa after the service – that’ll be served in the hall next door. You’ll get early access to at least one of the cakes I’ve baked for this afternoon’s tea dance. Speaking of which…
If you’re here in-person we’ve got a lot of treats lined up today – you could stay all afternoon – Gaynor and Tati will be here for Many Voices singing at 1pm and all are welcome. And then we’ve got the return of our tea dances with Rachel Sparks from 3-5pm. Even if you don’t feel like dancing you’re welcome to stay behind, it’s a lovely social event, we’ll have lots of cake.
We also have our regular online ‘Heart & Soul’ Contemplative Spiritual Gathering tonight and Friday at 7pm. We gather for sharing and prayer and it is a great way to get to know others on a deeper level. Sign up with me if you’re coming tonight or Alex to book your place for Friday.
This week we have the in-person Poetry Group on Wednesday night, led by Brian, have a word with him if you’d like to come along and let him have a copy of any poems you’re planning to share. And Sonya will be here as usual for her Nia dance classes at lunchtime on Friday.
And if you want to join us for this month’s ‘Better World Book Club’ – that’s meeting on Zoom at 7.30pm on Sunday 23rd June – we’re exploring ‘The Book of Forgiving’ by Desmond and Mpho Tutu. Please do pick up a flyer if you’re here in-person with all the upcoming titles. We’ve got a few copies of that in the church library if you’d like to borrow one.
Next Sunday we’ll be back when Sarah and I will co-lead the service on ‘Moments of Wonder’.
Details of all our various activities are printed on the back of the order of service, for you to take away, and also in the Friday email. Please do sign up for the mailing list if you haven’t already. The congregation very much has a life beyond Sunday mornings; we encourage you to keep in touch, look out for each other, and do what you can to nurture supportive connections.
I think that’s everything. Just time for our closing words and closing music now.
Benediction: based on words by Brian Kiely
We are about to extinguish our chalice candle, but the flame will live on,
in the minds and hearts and souls of each and every one of us,
calling us to lives of compassion, justice, and liberating love.
So carry that flame with you as you leave this sacred gathering,
and share it with those you know, with those you love,
and with those you have yet to meet along the way.
May it be so, for the greater good of all. Amen
Closing Music: John Ernest Galliard – Vivace from Sonata No. 2 in G (performed by George Ireland and Holly Redshaw)
Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall and Congregation Members
Sunday 2nd June 2024